Cancer, Death, and Pain

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately. Our family had a rough Summer and I think I did myself a disservice by forcing myself to bounce back too quickly. I didn't want to burden anybody with my pain, fear. or anger. I spent a lot of time focusing on my family and my business but ended up burnt out and exhausted. I've slowed down a lot and my husband and I have spent a lot of time praying about where to go from here. 

All of these decisions became crystal clear when a friend of ours lost his 13 month battle to Brain Cancer, he was three. Our family drove to Dallas and attended the Celebration of Life Service. I sat in the church pew and cried as we sang some of the little boy's favorite songs. I hurt for this family and the fact that they won't see their sweet little boy this side of Heaven ever again. However, I am so happy that he is no longer in pain. There will be no more radiation, chemo, surgeries, or other treatments.

God spoke very clearly to me during that service. He called me on the carpet for my easy peasy life. I balk when the pain comes. I try to find a way out of it. I really dislike pain. Yet, with the pain comes the refining so that I am a newer image; a Kelli 2.0. I am not promised a life of ease on this Earth and I need to quit trying to find the easy pain free way of life. 

The Blessing Jar

I sat in my last MOPS meeting on Friday and our devotional time was spent making a blessings jar.  

It's a small Mason jar with a printed piece of paper taped to the lid that says, "I'm So Blessed Because..." and you wrote down blessings on scraps of paper and stuck it in the jar.  

A simple act. 

A moment to focus on your blessings. 

I struggled to think of a lot of things besides the usual; shelter, money, family, kids, husband, jobs, etc. 

It's not that I am not blessed.  Take a stroll through my house and it shows the abundance of blessings.  

Spend time with my family and you can see the non-tangible blessings.  

Yet, I was struggling.

I have so many friends this year that are being hit with loss right before Thanksgiving which rolls into Christmas.  Several of my friends have family that were just diagnosed with Cancer or other serious health problems.  

Placing those scraps of paper into that jar felt trite. 

I have wandered through the month of November trying to focus on my blessings but have felt guilty for having "too many" blessings and things to be Thankful for. 

Don't get me wrong, we have had our own roller coaster ride throughout November. 

We are waiting on a closing date so we can move to Austin, our car has been in the shop twice, my daughter is cutting teeth and so very fussy, we are having our first Thanksgiving without my husband's grandmother, my kids are struggling with saying goodbye to friends and family. 

Yet, in that list I see much to be thankful for, those blessings that I finally wrote on the scraps of paper. 

We have a house with a roof and heat, we have a good car and we bought the extended warranty, I have a daughter and she is healthy, we have family to spend Thanksgiving with, we have good friends, our friends are already planning visits to Austin, we have family.  

There is so much that we are all blessed with and those friends that are being hit hard this month...I am blessed that I am here and get to wrap my arms around them as they walk through these trials. 

I pray that each of you takes a moment today and focuses on your blessings in spite of your trials.