No Fear

Remember those No Fear shirts?  Yes, I'm showing my age here but I remember in junior high and high school everybody had at least one No Fear shirt. 

I don't really remember the text written on them but it always ended with No Fear on the back. 

One friend of mine had all of them and she only wore No Fear shirts for an entire month!  She was obviously the coolest girl at Belle Plain Middle School that month.  

I've been thinking about those shirts a lot because I have been living in a state of fear the last month. 

I have had a to do list with a long list of items to get done to start my health coaching business so I can start seeing clients in mid August.  However, I have always had a very good excuse as to why I didn't get any of it done.  I didn't have a good name, I was out of printer paper, the baby needed to eat, and so on. 

Then, my husband had the nerve to ask me what the deal was.  

He knew I had wanted to be able to do this for over a year so what was holding me back?

All of my fears and doubts came pouring out: what if I can't find any clients; what if it's too much; what if I'm not any good; and so on.  

Then, my husband said something so profound it blew me away.  "All of those what ifs will come true if you don't actually try."  See, I told you; he's profound. 

All joking aside, he's right and it's exactly what I would have told a client.  So instead of living with fear of failure I have decided that July is NO FEAR month.  I'm working on getting everything set up to take clients starting on August 18th and I'm excited!

Is the fear gone?  Not all of it but I have a plan. 

Whenever I start to question myself I remind myself of why I wanted to be a Health Coach in the first place and that gives me the courage to press on.

When Things Go Awry...

Last week two of my friends delivered their babies. 

 One was 41 weeks along and delivered in a birthing tub at a birthing center.  Her daughter got to cut the cord and her husband was there the whole time.  Everybody is doing great and the pictures that I've seen make me excited to hold my little girl soon.  

My other friend was almost 42 weeks along.  She woke up expecting to see water running down her legs and instead it was blood.  She and her husband went to the hospital and ended up having an emergency c-section.  Mom and baby are doing great.  The pictures that I've seen make me excited to meet my own daughter.  

However, I would be a liar if I said I wasn't a little freaked out.  

I was freaked out enough to talk to my midwife about my fears at my last appointment.  

Here's the thing though, our plans don't always go as we expect them too.  As I told my midwife at my last appointment, "I'm not against modern medicine at all; I just would like to do things as naturally as possible.  However, in the end I want a healthy mom and healthy baby."  

When you tell people that you are planning on birthing at home some people like to tell you all of the things that can go wrong.  Others look at you like you've lost your mind.  Then, there are the ones that think you are Wonder Woman.  We like to act as if we are Wonder Woman but somewhere between the midnight and two am potty breaks you start to think about all of the things that could go wrong.  That cold hand of fear wraps around you and you visit Google to look at statistics. 

Then, morning comes and you waddle your way to the kitchen table to have your cup of coffee and dig into the Word.  God's Word eases your fear and hopefully you really take His words to heart.  You let it permeate your every fiber and you hold onto His promises. 

I don't know what kind of labor and delivery I'll have.  It could be an emergency, it could be a beautiful peaceful delivery.  I'm hoping for the second but I don't know.  Here's what I do know, God is with me.  My husband and I prayed over this choice; we truly believe that God led us to this midwife and stand firm in the belief that He has directed every step of this pregnancy.  

I am working at handing over my fear to The Great Comforter.  This verse is what I have been clinging to, "Cast your burden on the LORD, And He shall sustain you: He shall never permit the righteous to be moved." ~Psalm 55:22